Panic and fear

I've always had an issue with anxiety.
I feel like I have a million things to do,
and my heart feels like its beating out of my chest,
my thoughts race,
I can't get to sleep because I can't stop thinking of all the things I need to do,
I over think everything,
every detail,
of every situation,
ever.

I can usually talk myself down though...make a list...check it twice...chill out. No problem.

Not anymore. With this migraine has come something I have never known before.

Panic attacks.
Oh good Lord. I thought I was dying of a massive heart attack the first time. And I should have known better. I'm a medic. I worked in a cardiac stress lab for five years. I SHOULD have known.

They keep getting worse. At UVA they were completely out of control. I would work myself into vomiting and hyperventilating. Nice, huh?

I feel like such a dumb ass when they are over.

We went to Christmas Town at Busch Gardens last night with Komar, Gioia, Aron and Jason. We were waiting in line for Santa's feast/buffet dinner and story time. It started to get very crowded, and loud. People were letting their children run all over the place and crash into things, including me...and I was hurting. My head was pounding so bad but I was determined to make it through this night. I could feel myself starting to shake and tears filling my eyes.

My absolute worst fear right now, would be to panic or break down in front of the boys.